Word Count: 2500
Rating: R for sex scene.
Summary: My take on Elizabeth as a total drunken whore who indulges in a wee bit of fun.
Disclaimer: The Mouse owns Pirates. How disturbing.
Spoilers: CoTBP and DMC, definitely. All revealed via conversation.
Warnings: SCHMUT GALORE! NOT FOR CHILDREN! Very little plot. Lots of pointless (and hopefully funny) conversation.
Notes: My first go at piratefic, smut and threesome smut. Apologies for any errors in canon or grammar as this story has been written sans a beta as she is away in France.
Special Thanks: esp to lizardspots's smut. Very inspirational.
Featuring Liz the Whore
It was raining yet again. Whatever happened to “Welcome to the
Thus, it was her first time at the helm of the ship. In a blinding tempestuous storm, no less.
“Bloody Jack,” she swore. Rather loudly, en fait, as she deciphered that nobody could hear her over the downpour. “How on earth am I supposed to navigate SANS ANYTHING?”
However, she didn’t notice that Jack was standing some distance away from her across the deck for all the rain that limited her line of vision to less than two feet in front of her. She didn’t notice that Jack had indeed gone to get another bottle of rum to sturdy his well-worn feet on the slippery deck and had now returned, downing the rum a swig at a time, and was gazing rather intently upon her wet godsend of a body. Perhaps if he had been completely drunk, he would have imagined her wet, naked and on fire – all at once.
Did he intend to bed a beautiful, angry and drenched woman? Did he dare? Of course - he was Captain Jack Sparrow, dear reader. Jack knew what lay up ahead, as much as you know what lies up ahead.
He strolled up to her nonchalantly, one step at a time, rum bottle in his right hand. “
“My love, I am absolutely sure that you are in possession of a very whole and capable mind. You proved yourself a while ago when your indefatigable logic reasoned that everything boiled down to curiosity, did you not?” He eyed her cunningly, “And you did, might I add, put on a very fine show too.”
Had the rain not been torrential, Jack would have noticed
“Mr. Sparrow, I was merely playacting: I was trying to see how far you would go! Whether you are truly a villain of sorts as they all say or an honest man…as I know you are.”
“How very noble of you, Elizabeth. But like I’ve said before – and it’s no secret this - it’s the honest ones you have to watch out for because the dishonest ones you can always trust to be dishonest.” Jack smiled wryly. “Savvy?”
“You have a way with words, Jack. Has anybody ever told you that?” The lady sighed, shifted the position of her hand on the wheel a little. And then she burst out rather suddenly. “BUT you still haven’t explained to me the 5 W’s of the current situation!”
Jack blinked and thought for a bit. “First of all, darling, you need to be lightening up a little bit. You seem rather…tense. And since you asked me so politely, I will tell you: we’re going to find Will and hence Davey Jones and his wee beastie somewhere out there in the open waters as we now have bearings because of my Compass of Unbeknownst Powers, as you rightly call it. We have the Where, Who, What and…”
“You missed the How and the Why.”
“I don’t understand how the How came to be in the 5 W’s.”
“By using this ship and men and perhaps Fair Lady as well, my dear.”
“And why? Why is Will on board that ship?”
“Eunuchs do crazy things for love.”
“What on earth does love have anything to do with this?”
“Will’s in love with you, my dear. He’ll come back and marry you in a grand royal wedding in
“And I supposed he told you all that before he ran aboard The Flying Dutchman? How do I know that you’re not using him – like you did before in the first movie – for your own selfish purposes?”
“I do recall you tagging me an honest man and saying in a honeyed voice that you were proud of me on a windy afternoon…”
“But of course the REAL reason as to why is aboard the Flying Dutchman is because of Jack’s selfish purposes,” came a voice all too suddenly.
Jack and Elizabeth whipped around to see the now filthy former Commodore Norrington come up behind them. Jack eyed the former Commodore warily as
“Jack,” continued the former Commodore “wants something Davey Jones has in order to rid himself of his debt. And hence has sent dear old William to retrieve it for him. And Mr. Turner did it willingly because of you, Elizabeth, so that he could get a certain trinket from dear old Jack in exchange for your release from the gallows. So I suppose, yes, Mr. Sparrow -”
“It’s Captain, former Commodore,” interjected Jack huffily.
Norrington ignored him. “- was correct when he said Mr. Turner did it for love.”
“My Compass of Unbeknownst Powers, milady. Nothing more,” answered Jack.
“But it was you who sent him anyway, wasn’t it?”
"You can’t hold that card against me, love. Not when lovely William risked his life to save yours.” Jack cleverly held back the detail of not informing the rather emotional and angry
“There, there, love. William will return to marry you rest assured, perhaps slightly peeved at the fact that you yourself had escaped the gallows without his aid. You know, a blow to his manhood and all,” said Jack in what he hoped was a soothing voice. He sat down next to the lady, his back against the railing and looped his arm around her quivering shoulders.
Jack did the thing he knew best: he put the bottle of rum to her lips. “A bit of rum never hurt anyone, my dear”
This was not at all what Jack had expected.
“He’s having it off with Davey Jones. Won’t be able to find him till at least tomorrow.”
It was raining lightly now. Rest assured the former Commodore was eavesdropping on Jack and Elizabeth’s conversation.
Norrington rolled his eyes. “Stop lying to the poor woman.”
“I am not a p-p-poor woman, you beastly landlubber. I simply cannot hold my alcohol very well and am still capable of coherent thoughts,”
The former Commodore did not believe her.
“I don’t believe you, Elizabeth.”
“Why ever not?”
“One, you’re leaning back into Sparrow’s arms when I just told you that William just went to risk his life for you. And two, if you’re really not as drunk as you claim, I’ll ask you this: what’s my middle name?”
“James Henry Archibald Norrington the Fourth?”
The former Commodore looked immensely irritated. “That’s right.”
“You’ve had four generations of people called that? No bloody wonder you’re so pantsy, former Commodore,” said Jack, downing more rum.
“Must you always do that,
“Make me ask the eternally quintessential hair raiser of a question: ‘Why is the rum gone’?”
“The rum is always gone, Jack. ‘Tis always gone.”
“Certainly is, luv: whenever you’re around!” Jack stood up and held his hand out to test the strength of the abating storm. “Good. Tisn’t raining anymore.”
He turned around and saw her eyes wide with ravenous hunger and a fire that he knew could only be brought about by the intake of alcohol. Oh, he had seen this in so many women in
Jack did not deign to reply as he began to unbuckle her belt.
Norrington interjected rather rudely. “It doesn’t seem fair that the third party should be left out, especially when the aforementioned third party was once betrothed to the lady.”
"Oh?” Jack asked. Without a doubt the Captain was attempting to keep his cool at the thought of sharing this young wench before him with the former Commodore to whom she was once betrothed.
“Norrington obviously still holds his candle up high for you,
“Bu-but I am affianced to Wi-Will,” she stuttered in a half-hearted attempt to fend them both off. “My honour…”
“Your honour took a long walk away from you the moment you stepped aboard the Black Pearl the first time, Elizabeth, as did mine when I pursued this man across the seven seas, whom I am about to share you with right now. The least you could do for a destitute fool like me is this.” And then Norrington swiftly plundered
But not completely.
Jack came up behind
“Oh, my G—” Her moans against Norrington’s lips were intercepted by a loud orgasmic scream and she lay limp against Jack as Norrington began to remove his trousers. Norrington entered her almost as quickly as she leaned back into Jack’s arms. She gasped from the fleeting pain that was swiftly soothed by Jack’s mouth sucking on her collarbone. The simultaneous pleasure of Norrington thrusting his manhood in and out of her and Jack taking her completely with his mouth all over her collarbone and breast was enough to drive over yet another precipice called Orgasm.
“Steady on, love,” murmured Jack as he disrobed himself.
And when it was all over, the three of them lay limp on the floor of the deck, panting like dogs.
Nobody had to know how